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Molding and shaping our kids while we can is every parent’s dream. When kids are young – and sweet! – they are far more inclined to take on board our advice and lovingly imposed rules. Oh, how I miss those days!! And in a nutshell – that’s what a good set of parental controls can do for you and your kids. In my opinion, parental controls can absolutely help you create good habits but it’s essential that they are accompanied by an invested parent who’s keen to help their kids navigate the online world.
With Aussie kids spending at least 5 hours online a day, it’s no secret that they can be exposed to a broad range of people, websites and themes – some potentially quite disturbing. And with most kids sporting an internet-connected phone plus a laptop, there’s no limit to what they can access – and usually when you aren’t around.
I like to think of parental controls as another way of helping establish healthy habits and good decision-making strategies with your kids. For example, if you have told your kids there is no screen time before bed, then you are able to use Parental Controls to make that a reality. And if you have agreed that they are able to use only certain apps or social media platforms then Parental Controls can also make this happen by blocking access if they deviate. I believe that over time, these routines, and boundaries simply become part of your child’s day-to-day life and become good habits.
McAfee’s Parental Controls, called Safe Family, can also let you view your kids’ activity online and let you know where your kids are at all times. How good??
While it’s commonly believed that it takes just 21 days to form a habit, courtesy of Dr Maxwell Maltz in the 1960’s, more up-to-date research shows that it could take considerably longer. In fact, research conducted in 2010 by Health Psychology Researcher Philippa Lally at The University College in London shows that it takes around 2 months or 66 days to be precise to make a new habit stick!
And while I love the idea that we could help our kids adopt new positive habits in just 2 months, I think we need to keep it real. Fear of missing out (FOMO) coupled with the lure of their shiny devices might mean that it takes a little more than 66 days to make a change, particularly if you are trying to modify their current usage as opposed to starting from scratch.
There is no-one that better understands just how time poor parents can be. Having spent the last 20 plus years rearing 4 boys and working, I feel like I’ve earnt the time poor t-shirt! So, understandably, many parents feel like they just don’t have the ‘band with’ to take on much more so digital parenting is often put in the too hard basket. And I totally get it!
But using parental controls without some knowledge of your kids’ digital world, is a little like filling your car with petrol but not worrying about the oil. It will eventually be a problem!
So, I’m going to break it down for you. Digital parenting doesn’t have to be overwhelming, particularly if you break it down. So, in a quest to keep it simple, here are 4 things you can do to up your digital parenting game:
The day your child picks up a device is the day you start talking about cybersafety. If this is when they are 18 months of age, then that’s when you start. Always ensure the messages are age-appropriate and keep them simple. You could start with:
And when your kids get older, weave in more age-appropriate messages, such as:
Knitting cybersafety messages into your family dialogue needs to also become automatic. Talk about it just like you would sun safety or road safety. And why not share stories around the dinner table about your own online experiences or even relevant news stories to engage them in a dialogue.
I love the idea of a clear contract between parents and kids that details your expectations about their online behaviour and technology use. It’s a great way of developing a set of guidelines that will help them navigate the risks associated with being online. Now, this agreement should definitely be a family exercise so ensure your kids are invested in the process too. If you want a starting point, check out this one from The Modern Parent here.
Taking some time to understand how your child spends their time online is the best way of truly understanding the risks and challenges they face. So, join ALL the social media platforms your kids are on, play their games and download their messaging apps. You will develop a better understanding of how to manage privacy settings and the language/online culture that is a big part of your child’s life. And the best part – if they know you understand their world, I have no doubt that you will develop a little ‘tech cred’ which mean that they will be more likely to come to you with any issues or problems that may face online. Awesome!
There is some amazing technology available that makes this digital parenting thing a heck of a lot easier and that includes Parental Controls. McAfee’s Safe Family is a comprehensive parental controls solution that lets you monitor and block apps and websites, manage screen time, see where your kid’s devices are at all times, and more, giving you peace of mind in an ever-mobile world. The perfect partner to an invested parent!
Parental Controls can be an awesome way of helping your kids establish positive habits around their tech use, but they are even more impactful when combined with an invested parent who has got a good handle on the online world. So, by all means, invest in Parental Control software but also commit to ramping up your digital parenting game – it’s the best way to help set up your kids for a safe and positive experience online. And isn’t that every digital parent’s dream!
Take Care
Alex
The post Can Parental Controls Can Help You Create Good Habits? appeared first on McAfee Blog.
There are very few guarantees in this world – but experiencing drama when you are a parent is a sure thing! And as a mum of 4, I’ve had my fair share. Whether it’s friendship issues, homework problems or just picking up the pieces after some bad choices – I feel like my job as a mother is most tested when I’m helping my boys navigate the tough stuff.
But after clocking up 25 years of parenting, I’ve learned one thing – when you’re in the thick of issues with your kids, being calm (even on the outside) is the best way of getting to the bottom of an issue, and helping them solve it.
Even though we may compartmentalize our lives into offline and online, our kids don’t. For them, it’s the same thing! They use their online life to set up their online activities. In fact, their online life is a critical element of their day-to-day lives. So, if a problem arises online – an embarrassing photo is shared or they make a wrong move – it can feel like their whole world is affected.
I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to scream this from my lungs when my boys have found themselves in tricky online situations over the years. And I am sure I am not alone. When our kids come to us with an online issue, all we want to do is throw the router in the bin or cancel their phone plan. But, that, my friends, is the worst think you can do. If your kids think there is even a small chance you’ll remove their technology, then I promise you that they will never come to you with an online issue. They would much rather try and work it out themselves than threaten disconnection because their online world is their entire world.
Without a doubt, THE most important thing you can do for your kids is to guarantee that you will NOT scream, shout or disconnect them from their devices if they come to you with a problem. Even though you know it will be tough, promising them that you will remain calm will mean they are far more likely to seek your advice when things are tough. Of course, I am not suggesting that you don’t deal out punishments or introduce new rules as a result of the issue but remaining approachable is key.
Being a teenager in this digital era is completely different from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. So, while some of the issues your kids may experience may mirror yours, many will not. Thankfully, we didn’t have the constant pressure that social media can be when we were growing up. Some kids can rationalize the way social media works and not lose any sleep over it whereas others will find it much trickier to navigate.
So, take a minute to really understand their social media-dominated world. Many kids, understandably, struggle when comparing themselves to someone’s perfectly curated Instagram feed; feel lonely or ‘less than’ when discovering that their friends are all out (thanks to a shared pic online) but they weren’t invited; or, consumed by the number of likes their posts achieve. As the great Atticus Finch in ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ said ‘You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” So, try as hard as you can to understand how these pressures can affect their mindset.
When things are tricky and overwhelming, making a plan can help direct the angst and reduce the worry. Depending on the issue your child is having online, you may want to introduce some new rules around the time and place they can use their device. For example, if devices were not yet banned from the bedroom – this could be a good place to start. You could also insist devices are placed in a ‘charging zone’ on the kitchen bench overnight so their bedroom becomes a tech-free zone.
Additionally, if you are worried your child is experiencing concerning levels of anxiety or low mood as a result of the situation, you might want to include making an appointment with the counselor at school or an independent psychologist. Also, notifying the school may also be a helpful action point for the plan too – depending again on the nature of the issue.
If I’m being honest, being calm and chilled is probably not my natural state. I could blame it on genetics or maybe the amount of caffeine I consume but when it comes to my helping my boy with the tricky stuff, I dig deep. I channel my inner yogi and muster up all the patience and chilled vibes I can because it’s so worth it. Knowing my boys understand they can come to me about any problem – online or offline – means they know someone always has their back. And isn’t that our job as parents?
Till next time
Alex xx
The post Why Staying Calm May Be One Of The Best Ways Of Keeping Your Kids Safe Online appeared first on McAfee Blog.
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