Login
I can remember so clearly the day I got my first mobile phone. I was 21, had just finished university and was beyond excited at the idea of driving around in my red Mazda 121 (bubble car) making calls on my new fancy phone! The fact that it was the size of a brick, didn’t bother me a bit – I was connected!!
Without a doubt, mobile phones have completely changed our expectations of being connected and contactable. If calls or texts are not promptly returned in 2022, the lack of reply may be interpreted as rude or, worst case – the sender may feel that they’ve been ghosted!
So, in our super-connected society, it’s inevitable that our kids want to get in on the action. But when is the right time to give them a phone of their own? And how can you keep them safe?
In 2020, the Australian Communications and Media Authority released a report, entitled Kids and Mobiles: how Australian children are using mobile phones, which found that in 2020, just under half (46%) of Aussie children aged 6 to 13 used a mobile phone. 33% of children owned the phone they used while the remaining 14% used a device that didn’t belong to them.
The research also showed that playing games, taking photos/videos, and using apps were the most common activities undertaken on a mobile phone. Using the phone to communicate via text messages and calling a parent or family member was also a common activity – and actually increased in the three years prior.
And if your tweens and teens are telling you that “everyone has a phone” then it looks like they are on the money, with the report revealing that 76% of 12- and 13-year-olds own their own devices.
In my opinion, there are many factors that need to be considered when making this big decision. You need to take into account your child’s maturity, their technology habits, and most importantly, your gut instinct – one of the most powerful parenting tools, in my opinion!
And please, don’t think that is a one size fits all answer here because there absolutely isn’t. If there is one thing parenting 4 boys has taught me is that not only does each child have different strengths, but they mature at their own pace. So, when considering whether your child is ready, don’t think about their age. Instead, ask yourself whether they can handle the technology properly and robust enough to navigate the tricky stuff. A naïve 14-year-old with low social awareness may not be as ready as a savvy 12-year-old who has previously demonstrated successful problem-solving skills.
Here are some things to consider:
Let me share my biggest piece of advice – before you put that phone into your child’s hand, PLEASE set the ground rules. Their willingness to co-operate will be vastly reduced once the phone is theirs! Some families choose to outline the ground rules for any device (including a phone) in a family technology agreement. And it’s not a bad idea: you develop the rules and the boundaries and then have them sign it – just like a contract. I love this agreement from America’s Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI) which you can find here. But why not develop your own one? Here are some points to consider including:
In my opinion, starting high school seems to be a logical time to start thinking about phone ownership, if you haven’t gone down that road before. Many kids will need to catch public transport to get to high school and having a phone in their pocket, in case plans go awry can make everyone feel more comfortable.
I realize that there is so much to consider so take some time to weigh up all factors.
But don’t forget – you’re the parent. Regardless of how much pressure your super keen tween is applying – this is your decision. You are the best judge of your child’s maturity and readiness. Giving your child a phone is in effect, giving them access to the adult world. So, only say yes if you are convinced the time is right
Good luck!
Alex x
The post My Child Wants a Phone. Should I Say ‘Yes’? appeared first on McAfee Blog.
There are very few guarantees in this world – but experiencing drama when you are a parent is a sure thing! And as a mum of 4, I’ve had my fair share. Whether it’s friendship issues, homework problems or just picking up the pieces after some bad choices – I feel like my job as a mother is most tested when I’m helping my boys navigate the tough stuff.
But after clocking up 25 years of parenting, I’ve learned one thing – when you’re in the thick of issues with your kids, being calm (even on the outside) is the best way of getting to the bottom of an issue, and helping them solve it.
Even though we may compartmentalize our lives into offline and online, our kids don’t. For them, it’s the same thing! They use their online life to set up their online activities. In fact, their online life is a critical element of their day-to-day lives. So, if a problem arises online – an embarrassing photo is shared or they make a wrong move – it can feel like their whole world is affected.
I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to scream this from my lungs when my boys have found themselves in tricky online situations over the years. And I am sure I am not alone. When our kids come to us with an online issue, all we want to do is throw the router in the bin or cancel their phone plan. But, that, my friends, is the worst think you can do. If your kids think there is even a small chance you’ll remove their technology, then I promise you that they will never come to you with an online issue. They would much rather try and work it out themselves than threaten disconnection because their online world is their entire world.
Without a doubt, THE most important thing you can do for your kids is to guarantee that you will NOT scream, shout or disconnect them from their devices if they come to you with a problem. Even though you know it will be tough, promising them that you will remain calm will mean they are far more likely to seek your advice when things are tough. Of course, I am not suggesting that you don’t deal out punishments or introduce new rules as a result of the issue but remaining approachable is key.
Being a teenager in this digital era is completely different from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. So, while some of the issues your kids may experience may mirror yours, many will not. Thankfully, we didn’t have the constant pressure that social media can be when we were growing up. Some kids can rationalize the way social media works and not lose any sleep over it whereas others will find it much trickier to navigate.
So, take a minute to really understand their social media-dominated world. Many kids, understandably, struggle when comparing themselves to someone’s perfectly curated Instagram feed; feel lonely or ‘less than’ when discovering that their friends are all out (thanks to a shared pic online) but they weren’t invited; or, consumed by the number of likes their posts achieve. As the great Atticus Finch in ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ said ‘You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” So, try as hard as you can to understand how these pressures can affect their mindset.
When things are tricky and overwhelming, making a plan can help direct the angst and reduce the worry. Depending on the issue your child is having online, you may want to introduce some new rules around the time and place they can use their device. For example, if devices were not yet banned from the bedroom – this could be a good place to start. You could also insist devices are placed in a ‘charging zone’ on the kitchen bench overnight so their bedroom becomes a tech-free zone.
Additionally, if you are worried your child is experiencing concerning levels of anxiety or low mood as a result of the situation, you might want to include making an appointment with the counselor at school or an independent psychologist. Also, notifying the school may also be a helpful action point for the plan too – depending again on the nature of the issue.
If I’m being honest, being calm and chilled is probably not my natural state. I could blame it on genetics or maybe the amount of caffeine I consume but when it comes to my helping my boy with the tricky stuff, I dig deep. I channel my inner yogi and muster up all the patience and chilled vibes I can because it’s so worth it. Knowing my boys understand they can come to me about any problem – online or offline – means they know someone always has their back. And isn’t that our job as parents?
Till next time
Alex xx
The post Why Staying Calm May Be One Of The Best Ways Of Keeping Your Kids Safe Online appeared first on McAfee Blog.
FreshRSS 